


turn on my instagram notifications

by shizuoh



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Adoption, Attempt at Humor, Baby Hinata Shouyou, Baby Kageyama Tobio, Dabbing, Established Relationship, Family Fluff, Fluff, M/M, Parent AU, RIP, THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING IVE EVER WRITTEN, group chats, oikawa is not a Good Father, why is that not a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-30 08:41:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6416683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shizuoh/pseuds/shizuoh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>8:23 Iwaizoomie: Sorry I can't make it guys, I'm on babysitting duty because SOMEBODY can't be mature about raising a child</p><p>8:24 Tooruwu: @me next time Iwachan</p><p>8:24 Sugaaa: did oikawa make the baby dab again</p>
            </blockquote>





	turn on my instagram notifications

**Author's Note:**

> a fic that was inspired by my texts:
> 
> [3/29/2016 11:08:36 PM] death: do u think oikawa would make his baby dab  
> [3/29/2016 11:08:56 PM] death: what if ur wife gives birth and then ur wife hands u the baby and instead of holding it u make it dab  
> [3/29/2016 11:09:08 PM] death: ........  
> [3/29/2016 11:09:11 PM] death: fic idea

8:01 Sugaaa: are we still on for the double date tonight at my place?? :00???

8:10 Sugaaa: daichi i think theyre dead

 

_Sugaaa has renamed the group name to "THEY'RE FUCKING DEAD"_

 

8:11 Iwaizoomie: We're not dead

8:12 Iwaizoomie: Well

8:13 Iwaizoomie: Tooru might be

 

8:14 Sugaaa: :00?? why??? did u kill him again

 

8:15 Dadchi: "Again"

 

8:16 Tooruwu: IWACHAN STOP IM NOT DEAD

 

8:17 Iwaizoomie: Tooru we're literally married, you can stop calling me "Iwa-chan"

 

8:18 Tooruwu: i gotta uphold the tradition

 

8:19 Iwaizoomie: Wtf what tradition

 

8:20 Tooruwu: _the_ _tradition_

 

8:21 Iwaizoomie: anyway

 

8:21 Sugaaa: rekt

 

8:22 Tooruwu: IWA CHA N

 

8:22 Iwaizoomie: Yeah so, I can't make it. Tooru can though

 

8:23 Sugaaa: :000 why not

 

8:23 Dadchi: ???

 

8:23 Iwaizoomie: Sorry I can't make it guys, I'm on babysitting duty because SOMEBODY can't be mature about raising a child

 

8:24 Tooruwu: @me next time Iwachan

 

8:24 Sugaaa: did oikawa make the baby dab again

 

8:25 Tooruwu: [ _video attachment_ ]

 

8:27 Sugaaa: he did

 

8:28 Dadchi: It's a wonder you're still alive

 

8:29 Iwaizoomie: What the fuck why did you record that

 

8:29 Tooruwu: makki and mattsun said I wouldn't do it

 

8:30 Dadchi: Aren't you guys like right beside each other right now

 

8:31 Iwaizoomie: Yes

 

8:31 Tooruwu: yes

8:31 Tooruwu: iwachan has tobio in his lap rn its pretty cute

8:33 Tooruwu: guys i almost just died

8:33 Tooruwu: [ _photo attachment_ ]

 

8:34 Sugaaa: awww

 

8:35 Iwaizoomie: I hate you

 

8:36 Tooruwu: thats a lie you love me

8:36 Tooruwu: why just the other night you were telling me you loved me as you raMDEJJ  CFI NCEB,,.

 

8:37 Sugaaa: daichi i told you they were dead

 

8:38 Dadchi: Rip

 

8:38 Sugaaa: dibs on custody of tobio

 

8:39 Dadchi: Koushi we already have a child

 

8:40 Sugaaa: i don't see your point

 

8:40 Iwaizoomie: Sorry about that

 

8:41 Tooruwu: IWACHAN JUST K ILLED ME

 

8:41 Sugaaa: then how r u talkin rn

 

8:42 Tooruwu: FROM THE GRAVE

 

8:43 Iwaizoomie: He's just being dramatic

 

8:44 Dadchi: Do you guys realize we've been texting for nearly an hour and you guys were supposed to be here 10 minutes ago

 

8:44 Tooruwu: SHIT

8:44 Tooruwu: ME N TOBIO N IWACHAN ARE ALL COMING SEE U IN A FEW

 

* * *

 

 

And, a few minutes later, Tooru's at the door, panting and red-faced, holding a shaken Tobio on his hip. Hajime walks up beside him a few moments later, and sighs. After he knocks on the door, he holds his arms out towards his son. Tobio's bottom lip is trembling as he reaches out with grabby hands, and Hajime sweeps him into his arms without hesitation. 

Tooru scowls. "He's just being a—" He stops, closes his mouth, and then opens it again. "—baby..."

Hajime gives him a deadpanned stare, just as the door swings open. "He's a... _baby_. Literally."

When they both turn, Suga is giving them strange looks. "That was fast," he comments under his breath, and then glances at Tobio. He opens his mouth to say something, but he's interrupted by a sudden, loud squawk coming from behind him.

Shouyou runs forward, positioning himself between Suga's legs, and beams up at Tobio. "Tobio!!!" he yells at the top of his lungs, and practically jumps onto Hajime's leg, trying to crawl up towards his friend. 

Hajime blanches, and Suga laughs nervously as he takes Shouyou into his arms. "I'm sorry about him," he tries, waving a hand in front of his face. "He's just _very_ excited." They could tell—Shouyou was continuously reaching out towards the other child, squirming in his father's arms.

Daichi pokes his head out. "He's been like this ever since I told him _all_ of you were coming over."

Suga steps aside to let them in, and when they both put down the children, they immediately head over towards the front room to play with toys. Suga laughs tiredly, "I still can't believe my own son's first word was _Tobio_."

Tooru dramatically throws a hand over his chest. "Ahh..." he sighs, a weird, calm grin stretched across his face, "our children are as close as Iwa-chan and I in our youth."

Hajime's eyebrow twitches, and he thwacks his partner upside the head. "We're not _that_ old, dumbass!"

There's a sudden bonk! from the front room, and when the others look over, they realize that Tobio had mimicked Hajime's moments and whacked Shouyou in the head—albeit not as hard as Tooru was hit. "Dumbass!" Tobio yells, and while the word is said crudely, it makes the entire world stand still.

"Oh no," Hajime deadpans, his shoulders slumping. "What have I done."

"Wake me up—" Suga starts.

"—wake me up inside," Tooru finishes. Hajime has to resist the urge to whack them both.

Daichi clears his throat from the kitchen, and pokes his head out. His expression is dark, and it sends shivers down their spines (although, the expression gives Suga a completely _different_ kind of shiver).

"Dinner is ready," he says, and his voice is deep and grave. He leaves without saying another word.

Tooru blinks, and then he catches Suga's stare towards the kitchen, and trails his eyes downwards. "Oh, _GROSS_ !"

 

* * *

 

 

In the middle of dinner, Tooru has already taken out his phone and is showing something to Suga, scrolling along his phone while attempting to eat at the same time. Daichi and Hajime are left with the children, both of them sending death glares (that go ignored) towards their partners.

"Koushi-chan," Tooru says loudly, "you should turn on my Instagram notifications."

Suga gives him an odd look, and raises an eyebrow. "Why would I wanna do that?"

Hajime chokes on his food, startling Tobio, and he tries to apologize but he's too busy laughing. He covers his mouth with the back of his hand, pressing his forehead against the table and practically sobbing from laughter.

Tooru flushes. "Iwa-chan, why are _you_ laughing!? You have my notifications on too, right!?"

Hajime just continues to laugh.

" _IWA-CHAN_ !"

Suga sucks in his breath through his teeth, and gives Tooru a look before taking a sip of his tea.

"KOUSHI-CHAN DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT."

Daichi raises his hand, and in an attempt to keep the peace, says, "I have your notifications on."

Tooru's dejected and desperate expression suddenly shifts to one of love and adoration, and he dramatically flops on Daichi's lap. "You are my _savior_. And a lot more buff than Iwa-chan—well, no, _nobody_ is buffer than Hajime."

Suga snorts. "Daichi doesn't have Instagram."

It takes a few moments for Tooru to process the information, and once he does, he sits up silently. He turns, giving the shit-faced-grin-wearing Daichi the middle finger, and stands up to practically leave. Before he exits the dining room, however, he kneels beside his son's booster seat and takes his food-covered hands, ignoring the way the vegetables squished in his grip.

"Tobio, my angel, my sweet baby boy, my son," he whispers, like it's the last time he's going to see him and he's going to give him a shitty prophecy that Tobio will have to follow for the rest of his life until he eventually finds out that his father is dead and he is the one in the prophecy, "would you turn on my Instagram notifications?"

Tobio looks confused, and squirms, but he nods.

Tooru immediately throws his hands to the skies, tears practically streaming on his face. "Oh you are turning into a fine boy, Tobio," he laughs, and then stands. He grins at the others, and leans in towards his son, ruffling his hair. "Hey, wanna do the thing I taught you?"

Tobio looks excited, and nods, but Hajime isn't easily fooled.

"Tooru, if you're gonna do what I think you're gonna do—"

"Ready?" Tooru exclaims, and makes his arms into a motion Hajime knows all too well—and to his horror, Tobio follows. "One, two, three—DAB!"

Hajime immediately decks him. Suga bursts out laughing so hard he chokes on his tea. Daichi just buries his face in his hands.

Shouyou is giggling. "Tobio, teach me!" he shouts in between mouthfuls of food. Tobio turns to him, and tries to teach him how to dab.

 _How to dab._  

"OUR SON DOESN'T NEED TO _DAB_ , TOORU."

"IT'S AN ESSENTIAL LIFE SKILL, IWA-CHAN. HE'LL _NEED_ TO KNOW THIS FOR THE FUTURE."

"FUCK THE FUTURE—"

"IWA-CHAN NOT IN FRONT OF THE _KIDS_."

 

* * *

 

 

11:56 Tooruwu: i dab 1000 times a day

 

11:57 Iwaizoomie: I hate you so much

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> ???,, >???
> 
> scream at me on [tumblr](http://saltyiwaizumi.tumblr.com/)


End file.
